gbaby455

Today is a day when I wake up...and my eyes arnt black underneath...
You mean I actually slept last night? Isnt that amazing.
Unfortunately I did cry...which isnt fun..but atleast I slept...
I was undercharged for a cofee this morning so I think its a good day...
Isnt that nice.

 Well, lets just say life sucks. I come home from work everyday, and sit in my room and think about what I must have done wrong or whats wrong with me why I am not good enough for him anymore. Joseph was the guy I was ready to marry I was ready to give my whole heart and life to him, and for the longest time it was a mutual feeling, then he started changing, he wants to be a minister so you would expect him to be close to God but I started seeing that relationship fade away, along with ours. 
    He broke up with me one night on the phone, he told me he didnt love me anymore. I felt like some one had stabbed me, my heart hurt worse than ever and I cried. I cried so much that my face the next day was permanently red because of all the rubbing. When he told me a mass of feelings came over me, mostly disbelief that this person who I had devoted so much time and energy, practically my life for the past year and a half , could do something like this. I did so much for our relationship. We had a great relationship for so long, everyone thought we were perfect we had a connection on so many levels, and everyone saw it. He is my best friend.
           After that night he took it back the next day and said he didnt know if he was "in love" with me. So after a few days we started dating again. So he could figure it out, after about a week I was over at his house and we were having a great night, he was saying things to me like " I love kissing you" , "I love holding you" , so I figured tonight was the night so I layed my heart on the line, I told him he needed to make the decision tonight because my heart couldnt take it anymore. He said " If I have to decide to night then...no...I dont want to be with you anymore." That very second I got up turned around and left, after I finished throwing up.  He stood by that decision, so I left for TN for Christmas break and he left for MS. While I was up there I went through a rough depression, he called me on Christmas day to tell me Merry Christmas he then proceeded to tell me he missed me while he was in MS and that he was unsure about his feelings towards me.

 So right now I am just trying to get over all the feelings of, hope, hurt, pain, and dissapointment that I am feeling ....Life sucks. 

Me and Jospeh are togeather again......
Good or bad? I dont know intresting maybe?  Life keeps throwing me these curve balls ..... i think im goin somewhere when in fact i am going nowhere now i am sure that i am stagnent but in fact my life is changing more than ever...life is funny that way I guess.One thing i am sure of is that I love Joseph....another thing I am sure of is that it kills me to know that you can take it back. He did. Can sombody really do thta....stop loving or do people just give up on what they have...i havnt.....
Some day I will do something amazing....something that will make all the pain I go through in life worth it..... Is that true prolly not...we will know i guess soon enough?

 Well, lets just say life sucks. I come home from work everyday, and sit in my room and think about what I must have done wrong or whats wrong with me why I am not good enough for him anymore. Joseph was the guy I was ready to marry I was ready to give my whole heart and life to him, and for the longest time it was a mutual feeling, then he started changing, he wants to be a minister so you would expect him to be close to God but I started seeing that relationship fade away, along with ours. 
    He broke up with me one night on the phone, he told me he didnt love me anymore. I felt like some one had stabbed me, my heart hurt worse than ever and I cried. I cried so much that my face the next day was permanently red because of all the rubbing. When he told me a mass of feelings came over me, mostly disbelief that this person who I had devoted so much time and energy, practically my life for the past year and a half , could do something like this. I did so much for our relationship. We had a great relationship for so long, everyone thought we were perfect we had a connection on so many levels, and everyone saw it. He is my best friend.
           After that night he took it back the next day and said he didnt know if he was "in love" with me. So after a few days we started dating again. So he could figure it out, after about a week I was over at his house and we were having a great night, he was saying things to me like " I love kissing you" , "I love holding you" , so I figured tonight was the night so I layed my heart on the line, I told him he needed to make the decision tonight because my heart couldnt take it anymore. He said " If I have to decide to night then...no...I dont want to be with you anymore." That very second I got up turned around and left, after I finished throwing up.  He stood by that decision, so I left for TN for Christmas break and he left for MS. While I was up there I went through a rough depression, he called me on Christmas day to tell me Merry Christmas he then proceeded to tell me he missed me while he was in MS and that he was unsure about his feelings towards me.

 So right now I am just trying to get over all the feelings of, hope, hurt, pain, and dissapointment that I am feeling ....Life sucks.